too bad you live with your parents still
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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