Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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