He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
