I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
