Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
