did you get engaged???
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
vagina is talking i cant
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mom said you looked used
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
