In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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