i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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