Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
