"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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