yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
