guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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