the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
