so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
