What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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