i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
