Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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