I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
