He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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