I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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