I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Houston, we have a squirter
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize