Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
