the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
