Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You may now shotgun with the bride
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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