We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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