so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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