If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize