so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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