Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
