she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
