We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
