I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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