i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did I show you my penis last night?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
