I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
