Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
