There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
