im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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