GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
