One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
