Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
