Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize