it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
