You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
