Already got asked if we're dating
I didn't shave. On purpose
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
