you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
