haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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