My sheets look like a crime scene.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
