She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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