I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
