I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
