i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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