yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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