I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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