I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
