wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
