I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
