I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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