I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
