The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
