Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize