I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
