Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
