There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
