yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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