He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
