I puked a lego.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
