i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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