i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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