your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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