He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
