I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
