so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
