Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
