Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
