In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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