Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
