but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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