So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
