I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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