i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
