You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
