matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
