Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
