the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
