I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
