I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
