Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
