i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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