I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize