He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
