when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But theres a keg here and me gusta
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
